Sunday, August 29, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Patrick Stewart was supposed to be the star attraction but he wasn't allowed to fly because of a surgery (wimp!). Guess who they sent instead? The only guy who can look sexy with a latex turtle glued to his forehead.* That's right! None other than my fave : Lieutenant Worf (Er. I mean Micheal Dorn. Worf's not real. There are no such things as Klingons). They also sent Levar Burton, BTW ("But don't take my word for it..."). Anyway, I paid way too much money for a Worf autograph but it made me happy so it was worth it (especially since Hunter lipsticked the other one I had).
Here is a picture of me and Micheal Dorn
After lining up for an hour and getting Worf's autograph, we saw that poor Anthony Montgomery (Travis Mayweather from Enterprise: aka cute black guy) had no line-up at all. My sweet Adam bought me his autograph.
Here is a picture of me and Anthony Montgomery
I also bought a girlie action figure at the expo. Her name is Jade and she is a vampire crime boss with a dragon, a green dress, and real hair (real as in you can braid it and brush it, not real as in it came from a human head. Sickos!). She was only five bucks so her cheapness halfway makes up for the fortune I spent on the autographed photos.
* I'm pretty sure my fiancé Adam would still look sexy with a latex turtle glued to his forehead. However, since I have yet to test this theory, Micheal Dorn holds the title.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
After the AGO we went down to Ryerson where there was an info session for people who want to register in courses (me, for example). I wanted to take a few courses in their magazine program. I decided on fact-checking and copywriting because those were the most likely to net me a job right away. I had to be interviewed by one of the profs in order to be granted the privilege of giving them my money. The woman who interviewed me (if you can call it an interview, it took 3 minutes tops) acted as if she was doing me a big favour by signing the yellow post-it which allows me into the course. It's not as if I was going to take no for an answer, lady.
After Ryerson Mom and I went to see some ballet at the Harbourfront. For those of you who think you are the only one who doesn't get ballet, here are the highlights of my thoughts during the performance:
I'm not sure I get this . . .
These guys are really getting a workout, I'm getting tired just watching them . . .
I'm sure I don't get this . . .
Those tights leave NOTHING to the imagination. I can see the appeal of this—no. No, I can't, I am SO not attracted to men in tights. Nice bums though. I wonder what Adam's doing now . . .
There should be a Wonder Woman ballet, with those satin tights she'd be a natural . . . So for Halloween I need knee high red boots, blue granny undies with white stars, and some kind of red bodice . . .
Wait, when did that guy get on stage? I wasn't paying attention. Now I'll NEVER get it . . .
Oh good, Sleeping Beauty. I know this one . . .
Wait. What part of Sleeping Beauty is this? . . .
I get it! They're supposed to be cats! When were there cats in Sleeping Beauty? . . .
Those guys can't possibly be wearing underwear.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Today me and Adam went to the Dunlop Observatory in Richmond Hill. Looking through a telescope is a great time to be wearing contacts, I thought, so I chucked them in before we went. We left at seven. On the way there they started to bug me. Around 9:30, in the middle of the überenthusiastic astronomer's powerpoint presentation, one of my contacts was so dry it came out. This after only two hours of wear! Ridiculous.
I looked up laser eye surgery when I got home (this is the sort of thing one does at 1 am). It sounds like the scariest thing ever. Basically, after surgery you can wreck your vision from rubbing your eyes, swimming, wearing make-up, or giving someone an evil stare. Plus, they don't even guarantee perfect vision! Forget that. It's clear now that I am destined to be the ugly one.
The observatory was pretty cool though.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Speaking of shelves, I need a better way to display my girls. The shelf is getting very crowded, taking away from the girls' feminine splendor.
1. Pound pork cutlets with can or mallet. As the title says, this is key. It makes the meat all thin and tender.
2. Mix an egg with milk. With a fork, not anything exciting like a mixer or anything.
3. Put flour on a plate.
4. Put breadcrumbs on another plate. Breadcrumbs = stale bread in food processor with lots of oregano and salt. (Or just buy seasoned breadcrumbs. Lazies!)
5. Heat oil in pan. Oil should be hot enough to spit at you.
6. Dip pork in flour, then eggmilk, then crumbs.
7. Fry breadcrumby pork in oily pan.
8. Repeat until all the pork have become schnitzel.
There you have it. Eight easy steps. Well, seven (does step eight really count?). Anyway, enjoy your schnitzel.
Friday, August 20, 2004
I walked to the bank to deposit my cheques from Cinderella Man. Then, I kept walking down Brant. By the time I got to the Power Centre I was very thirsty so I bought a Mango Hurricaine(or Tornado or some other kind of weather) Booster Juice (I don't like mangos, but for some reason they are delicious in juice). The "Booster" (read: placebo) I got was a combo booster, so it will cure everything. After injesting the booster, my super powers increased enough that I walked all the way down to Fairview Street.
On Fairview Street, I met Kerri, who I had not seen in some time. She was waiting for her mommy to pick her up from a dentist appointment. We chatted until mommy came. I stopped at Value Village but didn't see anything because the evil halloween stuff has already taken over, thereby preventing creative costume-making. I remembered that I wanted to be Wonder Woman for Halloween but I wasn't sure how to do that. I should have asked Kerri for advice (her super power is halloween costume making).
When I got to Omi's house (by house, I of course mean condo) I called for her to let me in but there was no answer. So I called again. This time, she answered. Apparently, she was on the phone with my mom, which is why she didn't know I buzzed. Omi was super excited to see me. Every time I go over to Omi's house she acts as if she hasn't seen me in five thousand years (it hasn't been long: she was at our house for dinner on Tuesday). We went swimming in her pool. There were some kids from Romania and Russia swimming too. That's right, Omi's pool attracts visitors from all over the world!
After an hour of swimming, we went back upstairs and ate a shrimp ring and some pickled herring for dinner. Yum! I definitely had the protein group covered. Mom and Dad were planning to take Omi out to see a movie and I decided to tag along. I wasn't about to walk home! We saw Anchorman : the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Yes, I realise I've already seen it, but it was funny the second time too, so now it gets an extra star (****).
So there you go. Super Happy Jen really is a super hero. I need a super hero themesong. Any ideas?
Thursday, August 19, 2004
The highlight of my day was: Rollerblading with Amy by the lake in Hamilton. First we had some healthfood at Hutch's. By "healthfood" I of course mean food that is yummy, greasy, and contains very little nutritional value. I had fries and a burger and Amy had fries and a hot dog. Afterwards, we negated the unhealthiness of our healthfood by rollerblading 6.5 km. We would have done more except we were afraid it might rain (and it did, 30 seconds after we were in the car. SUCKERS!). Then we went to my house, Adam came over and the three of us hung out in my room and played board games.
There you have it. I know you're thinking: She postponed her bedtime to write that? I was expecting more, action, drama, and suspense. I admit, my life is boring. Okay? Happy now? You people are so demanding.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
I'm not sure where I took this picture. Probably in a public washroom on the way to North Bay, that was a time when I was into photos of signs in public washrooms. I enjoy taking pictures in washrooms (not of people, you perverts). It's not something many people would think of doing. I took a picture of this sign because I like the graphic of the toilet. Boys will probably find this picture interesting as it offers a glimpse inside the no-man's land that is the woman's washroom. (How many boys have actually seen a sign asking them not to flush feminine hygiene products?)
I'd like to see someone try to flush a diaper!
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Adam and I went to Toronto to see the 2pm showing of Urinetown (Mom bought us tickets for Adam's birthday). It's a musical comedy about a world where there's a drought and people have to pay to use the washroom. Those who can't or won't pay get exiled to Urinetown. Hilarious. *****
After the show, we went down to the Science Centre because we'd heard about some blackout-anniversary star-gazing thing. We learned that the exhibits close at 6 pm and the star thing starts at 8 pm (it was 5:20 or so at the time). Apparently, there is no way to see Science Centre exhibits for free or at a discount. Even if you come forty minutes before closing, you still have to pay $14 per adult (yes, you are an adult. If they consider me an adult, then you DEFINITELY are).
We had time to kill so we went out for dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. We ordered "Dinner for Two" which was more than enough for two even though the food was tastey and one of us is a 6-foot-2 Polish boy (that would be Adam). The people at the next table ordered Duck and it came to the table with the head still attached.
After dinner we went back to the Science Centre. The star thing was free so we figured it was our kind of thing. We waited around for a while and finally it was 8 pm. This guy named Terrence Dickenson (that name may mean something to astronomers) gave a slide presentation on astronomy, star-gazing and light polution. I learned that the hubble telescope is so powerful that it can see all the way to the edge of the universe, or at least what the edge of the universe looked like 13.7 billion years ago. Astronomy is wild.
After the talk we went out to the parking lot where a bunch of telescopes were set up. This was very hokey. It was too cloudy (the McNicoll Badweatherluck Phenomenon) to see the edge of the universe, or even the planets in our solar system (except Earth, you could see Earth). One guy had his telescope pointed at an office window (the blinds were shut). There was also a story teller who told myths involving stars and moons and such. All of the stories contridicted what the astronomer said but were fun to listen to anyway.
A good time was had by all.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
At the time, I worked at Stoney Creek Library. Some kids were telling me about their stories when the lights suddenly went out. There was enough light in the children's area for us to continue talking about books until the head children's librarian came and told me that they were going to close the library (lazies) and that the power outage has reached all the way to the states. At the time I thought: How is that even possible?
Driving home was insane. The highway was okay, but as soon as I exited to somewhere with lights it became ridiculous. It was like the end of the world. Either a)Nobody knows that lights that aren't working should be treated as four-way stops, b)Nobody knows how to behave at four-way stops, or c)Everyone thought it was the end of the world and behaved accordingly.
I made it home in one piece. The power in my house was restored almost immediately after I got there. We didn't even have to eat our ice cream (everyone knows that the first thing you do in a power failure is eat your ice cream so that it won't melt). I've heard one theory that my house got its power back quickly because we are on the same line as a hospital, and therefore a high priority. But don't hospitals have generators? Anyway my Dad thinks it's a rip-off. The greatest blackout in the history of time and we lost power for twenty minutes!
We spent the rest of the day watching movies. Eat your heart out New York City!
Friday, August 13, 2004
It was fun trying to see how much I could understand using my high school German. I was feeling pretty good about myself because I could understand everything my Mom says in German. Of course this was because a)she was speaking half-English b)she does actions with her hands and c)I know what my Mom is going to say. Understanding Siegfried was a little trickier. My Mom translated what he said. She even translated when he spoke English. Sure Uncle Siegfried has an accent but, Mom, I can understand English. My Mom's crazy.
Craig whispered in my ear periodically "What are they saying?" Sometimes I knew the gyst of the conversation and told him. Most of the time I had no clue (unless they were talking about the weather, colours, or numbers, I was pretty much at a loss).
Anyway, now seems like a good time to tell you a song that I remember from German class.
ICH BIN AUSLANDER3
(sung to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain")
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deutsch
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deutsch
bitte langsam, bitte langsam
bitte spreche sie doch langsam
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deustch
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deustch
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deustch
ich versteh' nicht, was sie sagen
ich versteh' nicht, was sie sagen
ich bin auslander und spreche nicht gut deutsch.
1. Omi means grandma in German. Everyone calls her "Omi" regardless of whether they are related to her or not. My friends who have met my grandmother tell tales about her to this day. She is quite a character.
2. My brother. I also have a sister named Robin but she had to stay home with Hunter (her son). Plus she didn't want to come anyway because: a)She had a friend over and b)Omi is always going on and on about how I am her favourite grandaughter.
3. Basically this song means: "I'm a foreigner and don't speak very good German. Please speak slowy. I don't understand what you're saying."
Thursday, August 12, 2004
A cab driver drives a hitman around. Tom Cruise plays the hitman. Not bad, but not as all fire exciting as you might imagine.
Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy
This movie is hillarious. One of the finest in stupid-in-a-good-way comedy.
So there you have it: nothing beats those dancing snack cartoons.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I could be a super hero!
I wore them 4 hours today and I have to slowly work up to a billion trillion hours. It's not exactly the same as having my nearsightedness miraculously cured, but it brings me closer to my goal of not being the ugly one.
Now I need to get myself some non-perscription sunglasses so I don't go blind at the age of 50 from the ultra-violet rays.
Monday, August 09, 2004
I talked to Renée Zellweger!
She was walking past me and she looked at me and smiled.
So I said "Hello."
And she said "Hello. How are you?"
And I said "Very well. Thank you." I was very sincere too because (even though I was sore from the shoes, and I was wet from the splashing, and I was warm from the winter coat and the August sun) at that moment I was talking to The Renée Zellweger! I was very well! Thank you!
Then Renée said "It's warm".
And I sort of smiled in agreement. Totally cool.
1 A period 1930s movie about a boxer that I've been doing background work on for a few days this summer. It stars Renée Zellweger and Russell Crowe.
2 My Oscar moment.
3 Assistant Director.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Friday, August 06, 2004
Halle Berry played Catwoman (obviously). Sharon Stone, the mom from Six Feet Under, and the Law and Order dude from Miss Congeniality were also in it.
As long as you go in expecting a cheesey comic book movie (ie not Spiderman) I think you will enjoy it. It comes just short of being good. I'd say the movie is catered towards women since the romantic plot overpowers much of the flick and the Catwoman-seeks-revenge plot revolves around the evils of face cream. Fortunately for the guys, there is that scanty leather S and M outfit Catwoman finds so stylin'.
All in all pretty good, but not Oscar-the-Grouch winning stuff.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
10:50 Got in the car and headed for the far side of the universe
11:00 Stuck in traffic
12:00 Stuck in traffic, again. Began to imagine what I would say to the interviewers if I arrived late.
12:30 Arrived at the far side of the universe in the nick of time. Signed in at the front desk, got a nametag, and waited with 10-15 other applicants.
1:20 Finally got called in to get interviewed by a man named "Jason". He seemed friendly. Same ol' interview questions, blah blah blah.
1:40 Wrote a dead-simple test (to make sure I have a brain). Sample question: "We charge 8% shipping and handling on orders over $3o. How much shipping and handling should you charge on a $90 order? $12.21, $5.00, $7.03, or $7.20?" Totally stupid.
1:45 Went to the cafeteria with the other applicants to wait for my second interview. A woman named "Helen" put on a video about how gosh darn great it is to work at Scholastic (the far side of the universe). The theme music for the video was from the Little Mermaid.
2 pm Video ended.
2:30 All other applicants have been called for their second interview except me. A woman comes out of nowhere and tells me that they haven't forgotten me and thanks me for my patience.
3:10 Got called in for a second interview with a woman named "Carolyn". She asked the same questions as "Jason". Honestly, they were almost word for word exactly the same.
3:28 Left the farside of the universe.
3:30 Returned to the farside of the universe because I realized they forgot to ask for my references (not a good sign).
3:31 Left the far side of the universe (for real this time).
4:45 Arrived home.
So if you read this before 12:30, post a message of good luck (again, I'm pretending not to be talking to myself here).
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
I got up at 8:40 because I had set my alarm for 9 and for some reason I always get up 20 minutes before my alarm regardless of what time I set it to (one time I had to get up at 3am and I woke up at 2:40, no kidding). Anyway, I got all ready, packed my stuff for Amy's, made eggs for me and my Dad, called Amy to say I was coming, then Dad drove me to Amy's in his Mustang. When I got there Amy was still in her pjs. We watched Justice League for an hour and a half and then watched the movie of the day. The movie of the day was Princess Diaries1 because the sequel is coming out so so naturally we had to watch the first one again (Amy and Steph are into girlie movies). Then we went shopping for food (Amy was wearing clothes by this time) because Amy was planning to have people over for waffles on Sunday. Adam works in the same plaze as the Fortinos we went to so naturally we had to visit him. We invited him to come to dinner after work. After visiting Adam's work (Mailboxes etc.) we went to the Roger's next door and rented Cinderella II2 and watched it (duh). Adam came over after work and we ordered chicken wings (honey garlic for me and Adam, mild for Amy and Steph). We had Snickers ice cream with chocolate and caramel sauce for dessert. Yum! Adam picked a movie from Steph's collection to watch (Short Circuit3). After that Staying Alive4 was on tv (Adam thought it was a boring movie so he went home. Later, Amy and I watched celebrity trash tv until midnight and then went to bed.
Amy made Steph promise not to wake us before 8am. So at 8 o'clock on the dot she woke us up (well Amy woke up, I slept a few dozen more minutes). We started getting the brunch ready because everyone was supposed to come at 11 (fat chance). Amy made the waffles and I cut strawberries and washed blueberries. When that was done, we watched Amy's tape of Dawson's Creek (that show is so depresso!) and waited for people to come. My fabulous boy was the only one who was on time (yeah Adam!). This girl Terrence showed up a few minutes after eleven (not bad at all especially since she brought homemade jam and maple syrup). Karen came at 11:45 (but brought cool whip). And the other 2 (Kelly and Blaire) came at noon! Noon! Anyway we went out on the patio and ate waffles with berries and jam and coolwhip and syrup. Yum. Amy's friends enjoy talking about bikini waxes, and eyebrow waxes, and who's dating who, and who's mad at who and blah blah blah. So you can imagine how well I fit in with the group. Oh well, my boy was there. We went swimming because there was finally summer weather. The pool was nice and warm (but not a bathtub). Amy's friends enjoy sunbathing and more blah blah blah and I got bored but still had fun (because of the swimming, waffles, and Adam). Amy made strawberry daquiries with too much rum and then barbecued hamburgers. Yum yum yum. And swam some more. Everyone pretty much left after that. We watched some Law and Order CI and some Crossing Jordan and some Sex shows and then went to bed.Monday
Steph woke us up at 10 to 7 to use the washroom, then let us sleep to 8am (thank you Stephanie). Amy and I cleaned up our weekend mess because the parents were coming home at 12:30. Well, mostly Amy cleaned, I spent time in Steph's room watching a movie called Digging to China5. Amy's parents came home at 12:30 on the dot (they are very punctual). Amy's Dad gave me an Oh Henry bar as a souvenir. It was well received since I hadn't had any breakie. Me and Amy watched some Days of Our Lives and then decided to go see a movie. Adam and Craig came too. We wanted to see Catwoman, but apparently Showcase doesn't have matinees even though they advertise them in the paper (ahem). So we went to see the Terminal6 at Encore (Amy drove us in her Daddy's Jag). Then that was the end of Amy (I can only assume people cease to exist when I am not interacting with them). I went to hang out with Adam at his house and Craig made DVDs and we all watched Wonder Woman.
1 It is good in a cheesey way (like most movies Amy and Steph like) **
2 Instead of one long story there are 3 little ones. The first and last story were the best, I could have done without the 2nd **
3 If you haven't seen this, you must. It is an 80s classic. ***
4 John Travolta in tight pants. *
5 Kevin Bacon plays a retard (sorry, I shouldn't say retard) who gets befriended by the odd kid. It's your typical heart-warming retard story (oops, I said it again). **
6 Tom Hanks lives at the airport. Lots of funny bits. ***